Starting to feel like me again.

Today I didn’t let work stress me out

I ordered Patt’s birthday cake and found a place that makes the cake he likes and they can put a picture of his bike on it.

Invited some of Patt’s friends out for a cookout Saturday. 

Invited some of my friends out for a cookout Saturday.

I smiled.

I laughed.

I enjoyed going to my friends office and just talking about the weekend.

I enjoyed the talk of a possibility of maybe a girls cruise with some friends.  We’ve talked about it for years and we really want to do it.

I cooked dinner and sat at the table and enjoyed talking to Patt.

I talked to Hunter on the phone which always makes me smile.

We played with Ruby.

We’ve laughed a lot this afternoon.

I’m about to go wake him from the couch and tell him it’s bed time.

It’s been great to feel happy today.

I’m thankful for all the wonderful comments from you guys.  This mood I’ve been in is a combination of a lot going on all around me.  I’ve been worried about someone I love more than life….my brother and over the past few weeks I’ve become friends with my brother.  Who would have ever guessed we’d be so close.  I don’t want to go into details why my brother has been on my mind and why I’ve been worried.  That’s his story, but I can tell you this I am so proud of him.  He’ s a good little brother who grown into a wonderful guy. 

A whole lot of talking

The weekend was pretty much a whole lot of talking and I hope a deal we can both deal with it. 

 We finally had the heart to heart about his friends girlfriend that’s going to have a baby and why I am so upset about them being at our house.  Even though I do believe he understands how much I hurt I think when they come by he will keep them away from me as much as possible.  I don’t care for them to begin with and I don’t agree with their lifestyle and I won’t pretend I do.  I have in the past tried to talk to them, they have asked our advice and do the opposite and it is their life, but I do have the choice of being a part of it which I don’t want any of it.  I will not be ugly to them, I will just keep busy in the house when they stop by.

Another biggie this weekend, Saturday night Patt got yet another ticket.  I’m tired of his hobby costing us money and I made him feel really bad which is not what I wanted.  I just wanted him to understand how I felt giving things up, not doing things with my friends trying to save to start a family, pay off some bills, yet it seems like everytime he goes out with his friends, it’s costing us big time.  So I’m getting my life with my friends back.  I will start going out to eat like I use to, I’ll start going back out again once a month when we have our monthly meetings where everyone from all the districts are in town and I’m not asking permission.  If we can find the money for tickets we can find the money for me too.  I will ride with him on Tuesday nights, Friday night goes back to being our date night and no motorcyle dealings and he can ride all he wants on Sat and Sunday unless there’s a family deal we need to go to.  I won’t get upset with him coming in at 2 a.m. anymore, I just want my Friday night back just the two of us.  Time will tell…..

I stil feel a gap between us.  I don’t know if it’s me or it it’s really there.  I’m still mad at him.  I am not asking him not to do things with his friends, I’m just asking for him to see what I’ve done for us, and I just want him to understand that going out and riding motorcyles until 2-3 in the morning is getting him in trouble.  This is the time frame he gets tickets, they are out and looking for them.  So who knows.  I’m trying to feel better:)